Full glass becomes mostly empty

Not long after my arrival at ERIM I’ve encountered a gentleman that caught my attention who was a professor that attended several seminars on psychology related topics. Later I found out that that gentleman was a professor in the marketing department and I attended a seminar given by him. 

A few weeks later I discover that this gentleman was the teacher for a methodology course that I was taking. Not long after the course started I discovered that this gentleman was a really good teacher and a very agreeable person. His course was, for me, the best given methodology course I had in 2 years at ERIM.

Close to the end of the course I asked this gentleman if he would take me as his research assistant. He accepted and was very diligent. I worked for him for five months and I can say that even if I had very little contact with him, the working relationship was very good.

I have asked him to give me some advice and a recommendation letter for my PhD applications. He was really helpful and diligent.

This gentleman’s name is Dirk Smeesters, who today was found to have messed up with some data for two of his publications. He resigned from the position at RSM.

I am very surprised, but it is not for me to judge what has happened. All I can say is that this gentleman will be remembered by myself (and most likely by many other students) as a great teacher and a very helpful and diligent person.

Lessons learned in The Netherlands

After about two years spent in The Netherlands I can say that I’ve learned several lessons:

1. As long as you are not really stupid, how intelligent you are does not really matter in the output of your work (mainly academic). What actually counts is how much work you put in. In brief, as long as one’s IQ is at least average, then it is not about who is smarter, but about who sweats more.

2. Related to the previous point, it is impossible to make big jumps. In brief, everything is taken step by step and each progress is incremental.

3. It’s OK to be different; everyone is different in a different way.

4. As an Eastern European, I thought that the westerners are more civilized, but this is not true. People in themselves are not more civilized. They behave in a civilized manner mostly because the environment (in a broad sense) is shaped in a way that guides behavior towards a desired one.

5. Related to the previous point, civilized behavior in not an individual choice, it is imposed as the only choice.

6. Truly cherish sun light, sunny days and good weather!

7. Although I thought it was impossible, tall and large buildings can be built on sand (sandy soil).

8. The best beer in The Netherlands is in fact Belgian; same with the chocolate.

9. Cherish the vegetables that actually taste like vegetables! 

10. For me Romanian women are the most beautiful ones (particularly my wife :) )

The optometric specialist that can’t see right

Cornelia, my wife, goes to a H. A. Shop to get some new glasses and some contact lenses. The lady from the store tells her that since it is Saturday, they have no time in that day but that she should come next week and makes an appointment. 

We go next week and realize that there was no appointment for that day… after “digging” a little in the computer someone realizes that the appointment was made for the following week (two weeks from when she went the first time). 

Next week we go, they measure her eyes and say that in one week the lenses will be available and that in two weeks the glasses will arrive. She tries the lenses and feels really bad – dizziness, head aces etc. The people from the shop say that it’s because she is not used to wear contact lenses… Later the glasses arrive and she goes to pick them up from the shop. She realizes that she can’t see anything with them. 

Then someone makes some new measurements to her eyes and realizes that the first measurements were wrong… 

Last Saturday we go to the shop to check if the glasses are ready and she is told that they are not… then the third person offers to measure her eyes and in the end after another half an hour the results are that the first two measurements were wrong… at least the people at the shop were polite and we felt a bit less bad … in a few days the glasses will be ready… let’s hope this time she can see with them.

The unhandy “Handy-man”

When we moved to The Netherlands and moved in our apartment here, we had a problem with the cooking (electric) stove that broke down. We called the owners and they promised to send “The Handy-man” to replace it. 

Next day a man knocks on the door with a new stove in his hands. He starts taking the old one out its place and while doing so he tries to cut an electric cable without puling it out of the plug first. Good thing I was there and stopped him before actually cutting it, otherwise we would have had Fried Handy-man… 

After making a huge mess in the house he manages to place the new stove in its place, but not before breaking it a little in a corner. Then he realizes that he does not know how to connect the cables and the conclusion was that the stove worked with only 2 heaters instead of 4. 

Three days later another man came and managed to fix things.

The car mechanic that breaks the car

Earlier this year we realized one morning that the front suspension at our car broke and we had to repair it. We pay 120 euros to take it on a platform to the AUTHORIZED Citroen Repair shop. We are told that the repair work will cost 850 Euros (good bye holyday). We pay… the car gets fixed – suspensions replaced etc. 

A couple of days later I realize that when I steer straight the car goes left… I thought that I was wrong or that it was because of the uneven brick streets from the neighborhood. Several days later on the motorway the car was going left constantly… hmmm…   

The next week I take the car to the repair shop and complain. I am told that they will check it. A couple of hours later I am told that there was a problem with the balancing of the suspensions (I have honestly no idea what that means), that now it is fixed and that I don’t have to pay for the work (?!?!). 

On the way home I get the feeling that the car goes right when I’m steering straight, but I say to myself that I didn’t adjust my perception after the repairing. A few days later on the motorway I realize that I was right, that in fact the car goes right now if the steering weal is straight. 

The next day I go to the repair shop again… This time I said that I want to test drive it on the motorway after it is repaired…  3 hours later and several drive tests the problem still persisted… I am told to come back next week…. Finally the next week they managed to make it run “acceptable” as they put it…

The neighbor that sings but does not think

One of our next door neighbors is a music teacher. He is in his late 50s and lives with his wife. Sometimes they come to their attic (we life in the attic next door) and they sing on the piano and vocally. Till now I had no problem with them and said “good day” whenever we met. 

At the beginning of last week I started to feel a bad smell in the bedroom, but I said that it had to be something from outside. Two days later the smell became really bad and then I said that it’s the flowers that got bad and threw them. The smell got only worse. We couldn’t and still can’t sleep in our bedroom for the last week. We asked the neighbors if they used rat poison and the singing one says that he did…

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How CRETIN you have to be to use rat poison in an old house… especially at the higher floors??? I asked him why did he do that and I got the answer that he thought it was no problem and that he only used a small amount of poison (after all he didn’t try to kill an elephant). This problem is not yet solved since the Handy-man is on vacation and we need to take out the floor to search for the dead mouse… For sure the neighbor will pay for his stupidity. 

Is Modesty a Costly Signal?

As you may already know, costly signals are those costly behaviors that people engage in, in order to obtain status. They must be visible for others and, of course costly for the signaler. At the same time they either have to be desired by others or to signal a trait that is desired by others (others = potential friends and allies or potential mates). There are many costly signals ranging from conspicuous consumption to creativity and generosity.
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Recently I have been thinking if modesty is a particular case of costly signal? I mean modesty as a personal trait, not as an attribute of an object. For example a modest income is certainly not attractive while a modest IQ is for sure not desirable. I refer to modesty as the behavior of people who don’t brag, who don’t take too much credit for what they represent to others (i.e. personalities that don’t abuse their VIP status) or even modesty in the sense of allowing other (lower status) individuals to feel good about themselves – i.e. not patronizing them.
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If your neighbor is a high status person, but still goes to the supermarket by bike and drives a “normal” car, you will feel relatively better about yourself because he doesn't show how high status he is.
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Let’s see if modesty meets the criteria for being a costly signal
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First it is costly for the person exhibiting it. Now the costs of modesty are two-fold: on one hand modesty requires a certain amount of self-control which costs energy; on the other hand, there are opportunity costs for the signaler – he or she forgoes benefits that would have been obtained if modesty would have not been used.
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Second, is modesty desirable in itself or does it signal a desirable trait? For sure, modesty in itself is not desirable by others… I can’t imagine someone wishing to be more modest or having a modest partner… however the absence of modesty is undesirable… some people don’t want a partner who brags all day long how great he or she is. On the other hand, modesty implies, as previously stated, a lot of self-control, self-confidence and a sense of achievement or self-fulfillment… usually frustrated people are not modest at all, even the opposite is true. Now, self-control, confidence and self-fulfillment are desirable traits for long term mating partners. Thus, modesty meets the criterion of signaling a desirable trait, but only for long term mating.
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Third, is modesty visible? This is a tricky one. Being modest implies not showing what one has. At the same time, in order to be appreciated, modesty needs to be visible. This leads to the conclusion that there are two types of modesty: A. unobserved modesty which can be defined as not showing high status or deferring high status benefits due to the fact that high status is not exhibited in any way – it is not visible. B. observed modesty which can be defined as not abusing high status and deferring high status benefits done by persons who are known for having high status (i.e. football stars).
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If a well-known high status person exhibits modesty, it is for sure the second type of modesty – observed, thus visible. Moreover, exhibiting the first type of modesty is virtually impossible because, at least to a certain audience, the high status is known (e.g. Family, friends etc.). This makes even unobserved modesty visible, at least for some people.
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The conclusion is that at least in theory modesty meets the criteria of being a costly signal for attracting long term partners.